Three weeks?!

Is that all.  It feels like it has been months since Fiona was born.  Well maybe not months, but certainly more than three weeks.  I feel like I am living in a time warp these days.  I feel like maybe I am starting to have a bit of a grasp on what day of the week it is, but I usually have to think about it, and remind myself if I am to remember.  I think that is the sleep deprivation.

I feel that we are slowly starting to find a rhythm of life.  Eat, play, sleep.  Life exists in 3-4 hour increments both day and night.  Nights have been going okay.  Some shorter than others.  I would say I have had from 4-7 hours of sleep each night, usually broken into 2-3 chunks.  I look forward to her dropping a night time feed.  It wouldn't be bad if she ate once in the night, but for now it seems like it is usually twice.  And the feeds aren't so bad, it is when she won't go back to sleep afterward that makes for a loooong night.  I do think she is sleeping better since her and I moved into the basement for night time.  I miss our nice comfy bed, but honestly, I think my sleep is better, and I feel more relaxed knowing that Jay can't hear every little squawk.

I have found new parenthood to be really overwhelming.  I feel like maybe it is getting less so, as we start to find our rhythm.  I think as long as things go fairly well, I do okay.  But last week Fiona had one evening where she screamed her head off for an hour or so, and we couldn't figure out what the problem was (maybe gas?) but she did eventually settle and slept.  That was a short night, and the next day I felt really overwhelmed again.

I have had my mom come and spend a couple of nights to look after Fiona so I could sleep.  Though there is part of me that feels guilty for struggling, I know that there is no shame in asking for help.  And honestly, I think grandma enjoys spending the night with her newest grandbaby.  I find it so much easier and more enjoyable to look after Fiona after I have had a good night sleep.

My recovery from the c-section seems to be going well.  They say it takes about six weeks before everything should be healed and back to normal.  I expect that some of my fatigue is due to healing from surgery.  Though I expect more of it has to do with the loss of quality sleep.  I am trying to not do too much lifting, so we haven't gotten out of the house a whole lot....but have been making an effort to get out every few days.  So far we have been to Superstore, City Perks and tomorrow we are going to try to go to Costco.

I know every stage of parenthood will have its challenges, but as everyone keeps telling us, it gets better.  I am trying to savor moments with our beautiful daughter, but I do look forward to not feeling like a zombie.